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Jokes
For Donald
Tuesday February 17, 2009

Kangaroo Play

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, “Gee, I hope it doesn’t rain today, I hate it when the children play inside.”
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How to Be Annoying

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”

* Drum on every available surface.

* Sing the Batman theme constantly.

* Staple papers in the middle of the page.

* Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.

* Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people’s backpacks.

* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

* Set alarms for random times.

* Honk and wave to strangers.

* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter’s Orange.

* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

* Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies.

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A 21st Century Marriage

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”

“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive!”

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America’s Unique

– Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

– Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

– Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

– Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

– Only in America… do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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